Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.
a whole lotta vanity
this is a Big Giant Post, so i'm putting it behind a cut. click to hear all about my summer and see ( how hot i look with my braces off!Collapse )
things have been going well!
i got out of school on may 25th and had a week of running, doing pilates, lying in the back of a truck at the drive-in with my friends and a very cute chilean/swedish boy, frolicking at richmond beach, sleeping, etc.
then i graduated on tuesday night! not gonna lie...my speech kicked all kinds fo ass. and Kit came as a replacement older sibling type! awww...i love her bunches.
so then there was an over night party, which was just all cliquey and high schooley and stupid AND i got my heart officially broken by this idiot guy, who i am never speaking to again no matter how many times he calls, because he ruins everything, but the great thing is I GRADUATED AND NEVER HAVE TO SEE THESE PEOPLE AGAIN! so i am feeling remarkably fine already.
i have a few friends and a bunch of teachers i want to stay in touch with...but for the most part, it just feels absolutely incredibe to be out of there.
i start working on sunday, and i'm way excited about that too.
i'm gonna buy a couple nice lenses for my camera once i have some money, but mostly i'll be saving up for college: books, spending money, etc.
so, all in all, things are fantastic.
i'm going to north carolina!
then chicago on my way home!
i'll post a fat update on wednesday.
Mood: excited AND depressed?
out of curiosity...
...i did one of those stupid dating profile things. i think it's actually kinda accurate.
Take the Online Dating Profile Quiz at Dating Diversions
i never write poems
please don't critique this because i know i am being emo and ridiculous...but it is how i feel.
(my brother left for japan this morning)
The knife is still in the sink
On the plate with bagel crumbs
And the mug rimmed with tea stains.
The remnants of
One last conspiratorial midnight snack,
One final late night procrastination
Before packing, papers, airplanes, school
Got in the way again.
Now you’re in California
Or somewhere over the Pacific
(It was always my favorite ocean, I’m not sure now)
Fourteen hours from Tokyo.
And I’m still here,
Wrapped in your sweater
(“Too small for me,” you lied)
Wishing I was gone too,
an ode to brothers, monsters, and snow.
so i think i forgot to mention the greatest christmas present i have ever received:
from the greatest older brother possible:
i plan on taking that little guy (the monster, not my brother) with my on my travels...get a snapshot of him in my dorm room, the eiffel tower, niagara falls...wherever it is i end up. yay!
AND: it's SNOW DAY!
have i mentioned that i feel radicallllly better than i have in months? or maybe even like...a year? because i do.
p.s. how do you do that thing where there's a link in your journal to the rest of your post?
p.p.s. i am very fond of you all.
I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO LOVE
i feel like a giant disappointment and an even gianter waste of potential.
but i am kicking ass at cross country.
and flirting with boys. too much.
and i am way too tired and have way too much aristotle to read to be updating this. i will do a better job once homecoming week is over.
tomorrow i am going to school dressed like a viking. pure sex.
side note to the only johns in my life that matter:
bloom: i feel like an only child. come back at some point? call me some vaguely insulting name and poke me and make references to things i don't understand?
mcdonnell: things grow more amusing by the day. can't wait to tell you about them.
anyhow. good night, all.
i made a list of what i like and don't like. why? meh. i guess i just wish i knew who i am. anyhow, it may not be pretty, it may be hypocritical, but it's honest.
what i like:
running by myself
most of my friends
when people have an accurate idea of who i actually am instead of a ridiculous one
almost all of my cousins/aunts/uncles
being smiled at by cute strangers
the new yorker
stupid movies and tv shows
being the best at stuff
being genuinely complimented
being well liked
not being at home
mrs alkire and grampa
what i don't like:
being so slow
caring so much about what other people think
getting wrong answers
embarassing myself in public
people at school who call me perfect
how i am totally religiously confused
people who are against gay marriage
people who judge me for being a vegetarian when i don't give a fuck about what they eat
waking up early
people who exclusively wear abercrombie & fitch, etc.
how i'm a huge hypocrite
how little control i currently have over my own life
how i love my mom too much to do anything major that would disappoint her
having food allergies
being the yearbook editor
when people say "love" and don't mean it
how slutty i get when i drink
people who think they're super rebellious for wearing converse with little anarchy symbols on them, when buying said sneakers only supports capitalism and the status quo. bitches.
my giant, giant ego
not having a car. not being allowed to buy a car. the fact that my parents have helped my brother buy 3 cars.
my dad thinking that nothing i ever do is good enough
how much i don't love my dad, and how much i want to
how emo this sounds
how i am never going to have a successful relationship
how my mom won't even try to lose weight
people who flaunt their designer shit because it makes them feel wealthy and important
brand name anything
uhm, i think that's about it.
Mood: unpleasant and fat.
so tomorrow is my first day of senior year and i'm a huge bundle of nerves. i want everything to go well, from the opening assembly to the yearbook to cross country to my classes...and i actually want to have fun this year, too! so i don't really have much to say but i figured i would write something in the hopes that it would make me not be all tense and such. blahhhhhhh i am not ready for this! what a pointless entry.
i really don't think i want to go to college next year. i need to spend some time traveling and being totally isolated from everyone i know. i don't know how i ended up some type-a stressed out overachiever. in 8th grade i thought i would be some cool artist rebel by now. i really need to figure out where i'm going in life and who i am and what i care about. i'm not passionate about anything. at this rate i'll be some manager at some company i don't care about with some husband i don't care about living in some middle class suburb i don't care about. this is alllll wrong.
craziest night in a long, long while.
happy canada day to all.
and the livin's easy
it's been 5 days of summer, and it's been excellent. just being able to see my friends and sleep and do things i actually enjoy doing has had a fabulous impact on my mental health. i'm feeling back to my old self :).
i just got back from john's - it was a momentous evening: the first time he ever witnessed the absolute pinnacle of human cinematic achievement that is Army of Darkness. in the wise words of the chainsaw wielding, time travelling, evil-sassin' ash, it was "groovy."
more good stuff to follow. this weekend involves seeing a movie with my cousins, going to laser beatles at the science center with friends (who are actually in my class!), and (if a. my brother and his friends are going, and b. they are willing to take me with them) checking out the pride parade. mmmm. summer is delicious.
anyhow. that's all for now.
wellll it's finals week, but i basically couldn't care less because i just have to get around an 80% on most of them to keep my gpa up. today was our last day of actual class and i am SO GLAD the year's over. on friday at 11:45, it's sweet summer freedom for me.
this summer has the potential to be amazing. my plans include: getting my ass in shape for cross country, doing a really thorough cleaning of my room/closet/computer/everything, going to yearbook and asb camps (ha), climbing things with john, exploring/adventuring, hiking and biking and camping whenever possible, maaaaaybe getting my own show on KSER, road tripping to oregon, maybe taking guitar lessons, making some money, doing college applications, and sleeping all the time.
i realize most of this won't happen, but it's a nice thought to get me through the week.
i could study, but instead i'm going to sleep. yay.
one more week of school and this god-awful year will be over.
SAT tomorrow morning. i plan on making that test wish it was never born.
John - I'll call you when it's over...but i guess that mofo takes like 4 hours altogether so i won't be back home again till 12 or so.
New Pornographers are playing for free August 12 at Gas Works...how awesome is that??
anyway. time to get some sleep.
good god, what an amazing weekend. i'm pretty sure that that the flaming lips changed my life.
it was at least 80 degrees today.
so i got elected asb president, along with 5 guys. i have to bring some serious estrogen. should be an interesting year.
i have an odd fondness for kirkland. my friend and i went to see our friend's baseball game on friday night, but we were bored, and ended up wandering around "downtown" kirkland. we saw a teen center and decided we had to go "interact with our peers." teen centers seem to be where all the 14 year old, emo, soooo misunderstood kids hang out, and we had some free pizza and a good laugh. the waterfront is pretty in an artifical kind of way. we had hot chocolate in a pretentious cafe.
we also watched Bottle Rocket, and if you haven't seen it, i recommend doing so.
yesterday i went to the mukilteo beach with a few friends, and today my brother and i made my mom breakfast.
this is the first weekend in sooo long that i've been able to relax without feeling guilty about it. solid.
asb elections tomorrow.
but then again, i'll probably be happy either way.
so i deleted my myspace/livejournal/every other account to anything i had during one of my crazy teenage breakdowns, but things have calmed down, and i am officially reviving it. track season is over on saturday; that's a little depressing. we had a track meet in the meth lab capital of washington today. it was about 4 hours of lying on the grass with my friends in the gorgeous spring weather, eating, playing cards, and occasionally getting up to throw javelin. perfect. prom is on saturday, and it should be a pretty fun night. oh, and after i spent sunday night bitching about how much i hate high school and everyone there, i went back to school on monday and was nominated for prom court. i like to tell myself that stuff like prom court is the epitome of everything i hate about high school, but i was really excited about being nominated, for an hour or two at least. i love life's little ironies, and how they can make you feel like a complete ass.
i heard frogs for the first time this season a few minutes ago. everything is better when it's warm outside.
anddd i hate the scare mongering media and what it does to people who already have a touch of OCD. my dad is panicking about the bird flu. someone needs to tell him that we don't need to buy a month's worth of food "by the end of the week" in case the bird flu all of a sudden strikes washington and begins transmitting from human to human. at about 10 two nights ago, while i was desperately studying for ap chemistry, he wanted to talk to me about what we would do if our neighbors came to our house in need of food or water or something. direct quote: "i mean, would we let them in? could we afford to share? this is a serious matter. we need to think about this thing. get this thing figured out." i think a more serious matter is his serious need for a seriously time consuming hobby.
home home home
i visited colleges.
oberlin basically sucked. i thought i would love it, but the people were like...like the bad kind of drama nerds mixed with the most socially awkward math geeks you could ever find with a dash of moral superiority thrown in. bleghghghg. and like, 2/3 of all females were lesbians. not that i mind. but it was odd.
swarthmore beat out brown as my number one, and MIT wormed its goofy, geeky way into my heart. basically, i'm going to end up applying everywhere. which is a bad plan. but inevitable.
my mom and i had a great time. there were no tense moments the entire trip. we listened to my ipod and she was really proud of herself for recognizing some of the more obscure bands. awww my mom...
i got home from the airport and my brother picked me up to take me to yakima for math state. to make a long story short: my team (composed of: andre, genius freshman and me) got second. john: your brother was supposed to be on our team. i needed him to put andre in his place. andre is a misogynist and a jerk and accidentally(?) threw coke all over me and my purse (including ipod, phone, camera) and suitcase. and then my fingers got slammed in the door of the bus and they're still pretty bloody. so i am kind of annoyed. but hey. i'm home. i have tea, and homemade chocolate chip cookies, and a week's worth of comics to read...so i'm gonna sign off for now and update with a few more detailed anecdotes later.
i went out to dinner with my family tonight at the barking frog in woodinville. the food was amaaazing. here's a conversation between my brother and me:
me: i think i'm allergic to dates.
john: well, that will certainly make prom interesting.
...30 seconds later
my brother is soooo cool.
side note to amy and john: woody amidon asked me to prom :). i wasn't sure i wanted to go, but now i'm pretty excited. woo!
east coast in less than 48 hours!
it's beginning to feel a lot like...april?
i just heard that of montreal is playing at bumbershoot this year :). there's a track meet tomorrow, friday is a half day, i'm leaving for the east coast on sunday, and when i get back, it's time for math state...yay. life = good.
i've had an incredibly peculiar week, in which i had another poem (though not as good as the first one i received this year) written about/to me, i went to a dance dressed like a pirate, my friend from middle school who now lives in north carolina showed up at my house out of the blue, i got lessons from a former olympic javelin thrower, and i spent a lot of time with a lot of people i'm just getting to know. things are interesting.
and i really resent daylight savings time.
oh, and my spring break plans are finalized: i'm checking out brown, oberlin, swarthmore, harvard, and the university of pennsylvania with my mom.
so life is pretty good. as soon as we finish this yearbook deadline, i get caught up in all my classes, and prom is fully planned, i can pretty much take it easy for the rest of the year, except for the ap chem test. then, during the summer, i'll hopefully get an inernship at the Pacific Science Center, which would rock pretty hard, and i can go hiking all the time and read everything i've been meaning to read and learn how to play go with John, mmm.
yeah. i'm glad it's spring.